New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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