I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
