so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
