Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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