so that wasnt chicken after all
Just cropdusted the office
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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