How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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