shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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