I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
