Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
