She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
