i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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