We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
People in love make me want to vomit
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
