my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize