chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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