i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
