So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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