Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just high enough for therapy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize