Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize