i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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