Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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