I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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