Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize