I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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