he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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