Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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