A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
