The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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