we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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