Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
