She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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