end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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