Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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