i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
