I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
