it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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