There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
