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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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