you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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