Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
