I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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