I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize