listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
