Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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