I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
