I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's Friday. Sex?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
