You just made me feel so damn special
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i have two assholes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
