So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I love you. Go after that dick
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize