i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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