i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
