I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize