i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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