Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
