Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
