why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
