Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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