I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize