Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
