The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
