So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
