yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
