There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
