well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
