After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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