Moan for me like Helen Keller
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
