that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize