yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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