u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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