Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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