allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
