hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize