There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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