Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
