I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
