it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize