I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
