FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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