Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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