I will die if light touches me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
