Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
