If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
