What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
