He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
