I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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