You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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