i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
