just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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